Today was a good day.

I got to see my little man do something extraordinary tonight. He walked down four steps at his grandparents' house. He didn't hold onto the rail, he didn't slide down on his bottom, he walked - just like any other kid. Apparently he has been working on this for a while. In one minute he took away a lot of worries I've been carrying around about his future. I've been concerned that when he finally realizes the implications of his diagnosis, he'll give up. I've been worried that he'll decide that if a wheelchair is in his future, what's the point in trying. With this little baby step of an act he has managed to show me that he's nowhere near giving up. He's still very much capable of growth and still able to surprise me at every turn.

Ok, let's be honest, that last bit isn't exactly a shock. Joshua has been surprising me since the day he was born. From the time he learned to walk he's been fearless and I've been poised to jump at the slightest indication that he might hurt himself. He has shown us more than once that what we fear most - in the toddler Joshua world it was that the child would electrocute himself- is often not as bad as we imagine. He declared that the wall BIT HIM the first time - by the third I'm not even sure it hurt.

Tonight I'm reassured that he'll get through this. He had a good day at school - not all that common this year unfortunately. He demonstrated a new skill with his head held high and a grin on his face. The random questions fired at me in machine gun style as we rode home were ones I could actually answer! All of these little moments gather together to make this a good night. I'll take it.

What my daughter taught me today

Joshua came running down the hall this morning so I could check his teeth. I'm trying to teach him to take care of brushing them all by himself - but I have incredibly unrealistic expectations. Like, if you brushed them well, you should get all of the food off - and yes, I do believe that includes the back ones. He got to make three attempts this morning. This is not a record. Throughout all of these conversations I was very proud of myself - I did not yell, I did not huff and puff and stomp my feet. I did not shake my son until his beautiful, clean, white teeth fell out of his head. I was calm - outwardly at least. Inside I was wondering what was so stinking hard about brushing your teeth!

 After my dear, sweet child finally passed inspection - he was dressed, wearing shoes, hair brushed and clean teeth -  I took a deep breath, ready for battle number two with the princess. And then I felt a little tug on my pants.  "I hold you!" - this is Abigail for "I need a hug." I picked her up to give her a quick hug. She held on for much longer than usual. I was about to ask what was wrong when I felt her pat my cheek and whisper "I proud you! No yellin!" That's when it hit me, she was giving ME a hug - not the other way around. It also reminded me of something important - my kids notice everything. They notice when I'm short tempered and less patient that usual - but they also notice when I try. I can't say I realized until this morning that they might appreciate that I try - but it's good to know. Just like positive re-enforcement works great for my preschooler, it probably works pretty well for her mommy too.

Adventures in sleeping.

Joshua has slept through the night twice this week. Trust me, this is a big deal. He's had sleep issues his entire life. When he was an infant, I held on to the idea that he would outgrow it. At a year I started questioning the pediatrician - he was still getting up every couple of hours. The doctor gave me a look and told me to be patient. The next appointment I tried again, same answer. For going on seven years it has been the same conversation: we want answers and we aren't getting anywhere. Some doctors think I'm crazy and making this up, others have suggested that it's behavioral and we shouldn't LET him wake up. (Someone tell me how that works! )

Last week we got another peice of the puzzle. Joshua has sleep apnea. When he reaches dream sleep his ozygen levels drop so his body never fully rests. Maybe we finally have some answers. Upside : his body should finally have everything it needs to fully function at maximum potential. I'm interested to see what that looks like. Downside : he will get to wear a CPAP machine to sleep every night. It has buttons! The doctor's office will know if he pushes the buttons. I forsee lots of phone calls in my future.

I woke up this morning with 3 very drowsy thoughts. 1. I slept through my alarm again 2. Joshua slept through the night! and 3. He looks like a bag of skittles. When he actually DOES manage to get sleep he wakes up with the exuberance of a puppy. Which is awesome, provided you're a morning person. I'm not. Thankfully today he chose to channel his energy into getting himself dressed. Unfortunately, I didn't know until today that he even owned orange shorts, much less that he could find them. (Typically he claims not to know where his underwear lives.) Pair this with a beautiful plaid red-green-blue- who knows what else shirt ... my eyes hurt. No, I do not have a picture for you, thankfully breakfast took pity on my plight and the outfit was baptized in milk and required a costume change. We have now established some general guidelines for color coordination. 

This week

Everyone likes a good laugh so I thought I’d share a few glimpses into life from the past week. I've been taking a break from work this week to stay home with the kids while my parents went out of town. I love these weeks as much for the change in routine as for the incredible appreciation it gives me for all of the stay-at-home mothers I know. I’m not sure I could do this on a regular basis. Not without Xanax, lots and lots of Xanax.

This was Monday morning. Things are good. The kids are a little confused about why I'm home, but things are good. On Monday night our refrigerator started emitting this horrible high-pitched squeal. MAYBE two minutes later I’m in full-blown panic mode, switching quickly between mentally calculating if we have enough readily-available cash to call a repairman and praying that God would PLEASE keep the fridge alive until we could get our tax refund. Luckily Robert is a bit calmer in a crisis and was able to find the problem. Apparently when the batteries die in one of these lovely things … it’ll make your eardrums cry.

  

    

            There was a thirty second window yesterday where I was pretty sure Abigail had flushed my phone. I found her in the bathroom, standing over the toilet, waving and calling “bye-bye phone!” Yes, she flushed a phone – a pink one – that thankfully floats.

  Got a call from the bank this morning telling me our checking account had been hacked – roughly three to four minutes into the conversation we both realized that he was NOT TALKING TO THE RIGHT PERSON! You think that’d be something they’d triple check. I don't have a cute picture forthis one - just a few hundred new gray hairs.

Overall, it’s been an interesting week. I love my children more than I can ever describe – and maybe if I did this every week I’d find that it gets easier. Or I’d duct tape the toilet shut, probably that one.